the days of the piss fog

some old journal entries (Pt 2)

Thursday, June 01, 2006

journal entry #83

hey, i feel like shit. you know what, i hav ereally low self esteem right now. i really do. i feel liek i cant do any better than how i am doing now. i feel like i am ioncapable of being good, as in getting all of my wok done and all of that. i think that i am going to tell my dad, but i dont think that he will care much. i think that he will think that i am using it as an excuse. i still feel like shit. i want to cry but i dont feel worth it. i feel like shit. i feel like i dont matter much, that i ma just worthless. i havent felt this for a long time, and i have never felt it for this long, and i dont know why. i feel like what i have to do is not going to make a diffrence and i feel like i cant do it because i suck. i feel like i really do. i feel like shit. i dont care if i am lie,k this or np teither.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

journal entry #81

today was a great day. i went to a ropes course and i really liked it. it was nuts. i remember so much from when i wa syoung. making everybody gather togerther. i didnt think i could be a leader. it i sa diffucult job, but i can learn how to do it. i like being able to do it, it i s a worthy skill. we had to get ten peo;ple from one end of a rope to another and it wasnt taut, so it was horrible. i feel great about all o f this. i feel like i am a little closer to everyone and i do not feel like doing this. my head feels like i tis filled with air. i t sucks, i feel like lisette acts all of the time. i am really bored. i want to do something. i am watching law and order. and i think that i am going to go. so i guess this is bye bye.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

journal entry #76

boredome sucks. i am really bored. i am watching law and order and they are trying to figure out why the maid commited suicide. and the police are assholes, like the real ones. they incriminate eveyone, guilty until proven innocent is their policy. yeah, cops suck alot. i want to write poetry but my dad is watching and i would feel weird with my papa reading it. i love the freaking guitar. i want to play it right now. i wan tot be the best, but it will be alot of work. i truly believe i can do it… but i have to work constantly. the best teacher is the one that is always learning, and if i am teaching myself, then i am going to learn alot too. i have to keep on working on it, i have to. man, i miss my guitar right now. it is all tha ti want to do. i feel like doing nothing else, but i dont hav ea choice right now. the mos timportant thing i have to do right now is my schoolwork. if i dont thel life will be miserable for me, especially for summer. i need to grab the day and do something with it. i really do. if i do not, then there will be no time to do anything, becaus emy life will be over. if i dont use what i have on this earth, then i will have nothing. i see it as half full though, the glass? i will do good, i will be the best.

Monday, May 15, 2006

journal entry #74

hey guys, another journal entry. i am bored, and i am getting yelled at profusely by my dad for not getting all of my schoolwork done. the usual. anyways, besides that i am pretty content. i just tried to learn this song i tried before but couldnt do, and now i am much better at doing it. now i can do it much better, but my dad interrrupted my work to tell me to do this journal entry. i am glad he said for me to, i would have ignored it. i really would have. i think i like to write poetry, but i dont. and after this journal entry i have to wasjh my face. what i am going to do after this is look up 10 possible volunteer sites and…scratch that i am going to do some of my autobiography tonight and i am going to do some of it tomorrow, hopefully i get it done. if not i am going to work on it this week. you know, for the past week, i have been on a crappy mood, but i am not the type of person to stay in a slump. so i am going to do my work very shortly and get on with my life. who am i not to use wha ti was blessed with, really, who am i? i hav ebeen fucking retarded in the past. but not anymore, i dont want to be retarded. its easy, but anything that is worth doing in life is hard, and it makes lifes rewards much sweeter.

Monday, May 15, 2006

journal entry #74

hey guys, another journal entry. i am bored, and i am getting yelled at profusely by my dad for not getting all of my schoolwork done. the usual. anyways, besides that i am pretty content. i just tried to learn this song i tried before but couldnt do, and now i am much better at doing it. now i can do it much better, but my dad interrrupted my work to tell me to do this journal entry. i am glad he said for me to, i would have ignored it. i really would have. i think i like to write poetry, but i dont. and after this journal entry i have to wasjh my face. what i am going to do after this is look up 10 possible volunteer sites and…scratch that i am going to do some of my autobiography tonight and i am going to do some of it tomorrow, hopefully i get it done. if not i am going to work on it this week. you know, for the past week, i have been on a crappy mood, but i am not the type of person to stay in a slump. so i am going to do my work very shortly and get on with my life. who am i not to use wha ti was blessed with, really, who am i? i hav ebeen fucking retarded in the past. but not anymore, i dont want to be retarded. its easy, but anything that is worth doing in life is hard, and it makes lifes rewards much sweeter.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

journal entry #73

hey guys, i am bored and my hands are very cold. i need to do something, because i am going crazy. i am really really bored. and i am just trying to fill space. i think my dad is home. so i am going to try to type as fast as i can in order to do say i did something so i dont get in trouble. but i dont think i will have enough time to do it. but i will try valiantly. hey, i am one fourth of the way done, whohoo. yeah i am watching mythbusters roight now and they are busting myths. suprising, huh? yeah i know its cool. dude, my dad is really home. i just heard him cough.my dad is doing something, but i do no tknow what… oh wait, he is homw now. he is goign to take a shower and he is going to leave after the takes a shower. yeah, right now ia m bored. my dad just turned oon the shower ans now he is oging in the shower. and right now ia m watching a new episode of mythbusters. do you know hwat they are doing? they are busting myths. suprising, huh? well i thjink i am going to gl veryt shortly. i am bored. i want to lplay morrowind. i really do.. and my fingers are freezing. i think i am losing my mind. i am going crazy. i am also bored. i wan tto do something peace out.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

journal entry #73

i am very bored. and i am bored, not to mention i am bored. i dont want to do this, so i will so i can pass fucking school. school annoys me. i still don know wha ti wan tto do with my life. i want to do something big, but i do not know what yet. ughh. i am bored. and io think this font is bigger than usual. it feels like i am not writing as much, in fact i am pretty damn sure that this font is too big. all i usually do is fill the box and that is enough, but i think i cant do that anymore. so, therefore it makes my job harder, but enough about bitching. well, i guess there is nothing else to do but bitch and make myself feel a litle mor eimportant. maybe somebody is listening. maybe not. i dont really care either way, as long as i get my quota in.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

journal entry #73

hey guys, another journal entry. i am really bored. and i just banged my knee really hard. so i am in pain and i am bored. i want to get more work done. why do i waste so much time. i have no clue, i wish i knew. i need to stop wasting time. it will end up doing me in. but i have another problem. i do not know what to do with my life. i wish i knew. the best i can do is search for it. i am scared. i dont know if i can accomplish the task ahead of me. but i am hopeful. i am also scared that my hope will be crushed. i remember how bad it is when all of your hopes and dreams come crashing down, and it is bad. so bad, in fact, that i am scared of it. but there is nothing to fear, really. everybody falls down, nobody starts good at realationships. i havve a question: is this entry smaller than normal, the font seems bigger.

for the lincoln park thingummy

dude, people are annoying, and the goldfish are going to die. today was fun. i enjoyed goign for manhunt. poeple are annoying when they sing. it makes me angered. i ask them to stop and they dont. i am going to fuicking kill them someday. if they respected my space and didnt sing all the fucking time, it would be okay. and the worst part is that they know what the fuck they are doing, but they wont do it. i am going to kill them, i swear. i will. right now ii am very irate. the people are

some old journal entries (pt 1)

Monday, July 17, 2006

journal entry #91

hey nigras wassup? i have not been here for a while. and i dont miss it. but i need to use this as a communication and reflection tool. right now i am not doing so hot. all of the work that i have done on myself is coming undone. either i really did not do it for myself or i cannnot do it without multiple people backing me up. i do no tknow wha tit is, but i think i need to work alot harder than i thought on this problem. i have to rewire myself from the bottom if i want to do it. it is actually about wanting to do it, and not wanting to fuck off. cause that is all tha ti want to do is fuck off and play my guitar, adn learn about my guitar. i want to do that research project, but everything else has gotten in the way of me doing it. but, as oyu can clearly see, i havent really been trying on my work and i thin it is about time that i do that and i try to organize my mind. right at this moment, what i am trying to do is set up me da yin half-hour segments, and do it that way. ast 5:00 i am calling greg and steve and seeing wha tthey are doing. that is in eleven minutes and i hope my dad doesnt walk in and is drunk. he just walked in and isnt. so i am glad. and i am still doing my work. anmd it is time to go so ill see you bitch, bye whitey.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

journal entry #90

hey guys, htis is my first journal entry for a long, long time. and quite frankly, i still do not want to do them.right now i do not have a choice though. if i want to do as good as i can, then iu need to do these each and every day. i really do. and i think it is an effective enough tool right now, so i should keep on using it and making it better. dude, i feel like an asshole. my mother makes me feel like i have nothing to worr about, and that makes me worry in itself. my mom and my dad and are polar opposites. my dad is very goal-oriented and my mother is not at all. she is very free spirited and lets a higher spirit take control of most of her life. she believes if something happens that wasnt expected, then it was meant to be. she also… nvm i dont wnat to get into it.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

journal entry #89

hey guys, its me. anothe rjournal entry. i think i can do it all, i think i really can if i try hard enough. i know i want it, and i think that is going to be the most powerful thing driving me to get all of myt work done. you know, i really wan tthat guitar. but the one i wanted was a right handed one. i forgot about that when i was looking at it. i have really high hopes for doing this. i think i can do it, i really do. i feel like it i salready done, or as good as done. i need to learn how to do my work on a daily basis. i am really bored now and i need to fill space so i like eggrolls. i love egrolls. and not to mentyion i want an electric guitar. i cannot wait, hopefully it will look cool. i realyl hope it does. i honestly do.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

journal entry #86 post exhibition

i feel like shit. i really do. i dont feel like i had accomplished anyhting. the main reason why my exhibition sucked so goddamn much is that i didnt prepare. if i had prepared, it would gone so much better. i feel like a fucking clown. i did this to myself. i put the nails on my own cross. i friggin was so stupid. but good has come of this. now htt i have failed my exhibition horribly, i can start new and i know why i need to do my work. i need to take it a day at a time. i can do it, but i need to learn how to set a goal and acheive it, liek rigfht now i woke up this morning and said, i am going to get my dear charly letter done and my post exhibition journal entry done, and i did, so i have found something that might work for me.

Friday, June 09, 2006

journal entry #85

i am going to continue the poem from journal entry number 79
his poision, his killer is fame,
he used to be the best man that could be,
he used to be what every parent wanted to see,
what every man secretly wanted to be,
but now he has become more than he could handle,
him and his co-manager Randall,
all the fame and all the moneyt went to his head,
now every single man wanted him dead,
he is oppressing his nation,
he is oppresssing his nation,
but back to the story at hand,
silas thought This is just grand,
he feels the invisible figures silently floating through the room,
he starts to feel his impending doom,
he woud give up if not for his wife,
keylinda silently grips her knife,
she forcefully throws the knife into the air,
the common untrained would think nothing was there,
but she knew better, shes been through this before,
suddenly the knife sticks into thin air,
a loud thud on the floor, invisible steps run to the door,
but he knew they were going to be there,
he had already set a trap, they were in deep crap,
he flips a switch and depresses the button,
chunks of humand flesh fly all over the place,
they knew that this was nothing,
just a few scouts, in front of the race,
they had to leave now, before they found out,
that they had been here.

journal entry #84

hey guys i am going to write another part to the story, i know some parts have been weak so ill try to do better
“im on vacation” i said to myself,
as i put tomato sauce back on the shelf,
nothing is going to happen to me like on that ship,
where i have seen tendons and flesh rip,
i can never take back what was seen or what was done,
and now it is time to have some fun,
forget betrayaland the fucked up shit,
try to run, try to run, try to run, try to run,
grab your gun, your gun,
try to fight them off goddamit,
theres no choice you have to handle it,
man your battlestations,
enemies in filing in striations,
they keep on fucking coming,
one of the motherfuckers leapt on me while i was running,
ganshing teeth, no skin,
completely unnatural, no longer my kin,
smooth muscle covered in a slimy membrane,
alll the commotion and killing its insane,
why , ohwhy, did i have to be on this ship,
why this one, why this,
why did he have to make a msitake,
sometime i wish i could wake,
and never remember what happened,
that i never got wrapped in,
things that i shouldnt have, things i shouldnt have,
soem days i wanna die,
my name is Mekhai.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

journal entry #83

hey, i feel like shit. you know what, i hav ereally low self esteem right now. i really do. i feel liek i cant do any better than how i am doing now. i feel like i am ioncapable of being good, as in getting all of my wok done and all of that. i think that i am going to tell my dad, but i dont think that he will care much. i think that he will think that i am using it as an excuse. i still feel like shit. i want to cry but i dont feel worth it. i feel like shit. i feel like i dont matter much, that i ma just worthless. i havent felt this for a long time, and i have never felt it for this long, and i dont know why. i feel like what i have to do is not going to make a diffrence and i feel like i cant do it because i suck. i feel like i really do. i feel like shit. i dont care if i am lie,k this or np teither.

this is interesting old stories one of my first creative outlets yo

Recent Posts

    * Wednesday, May 31, 2006 journal entry #82 i am go…
    * guest writer
    * GURL:this one is new, kip
    * ,my name is antoro, i am a proffesional assassin,…
    * my name is mekhai
    * Christians army
    * just a note
    * first entry niggas!

Archives

    * June 2006
    * July 2006

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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

journal entry #82
i am going to continue the story,my name is antoro, i am a proffesional assassin,i hear the people are massin,protesting what you want to do,thats why you called, what i do is through and through,what do you want me to accomplish,do i have an accomplace,the man in the business suit leans over and whispers in his ear,tell me the things i wan tto hear,antoro says i will do anything that you wish,my dearest loyalty you will wish,he says, see all of those protestors out there,their burden i will not bear,i want him dead, i want Jason dead,just shoot him in the fucking head,i want it to be an accident, if you know what i mean,if you do it right ill give you the rest of the green,you have already recieved half, otherwise you wouldnt be here,antoro says when should i be there,he says, tomorrow five o clock,antoro says done,tommorrow comes.
posted by magikterdo at 6:53 PM 0 comments links to this post
Tuesday, May 30, 2006

journal entry #81
today was a great day. i went to a ropes course and i really liked it. it was nuts. i remember so much from when i wa syoung. making everybody gather togerther. i didnt think i could be a leader. it i sa diffucult job, but i can learn how to do it. i like being able to do it, it i s a worthy skill. we had to get ten peo;ple from one end of a rope to another and it wasnt taut, so it was horrible. i feel great about all o f this. i feel like i am a little closer to everyone and i do not feel like doing this. my head feels like i tis filled with air. i t sucks, i feel like lisette acts all of the time. i am really bored. i want to do something. i am watching law and order. and i think that i am going to go. so i guess this is bye bye.
posted by magikterdo at 5:41 PM 0 comments links to this post
Monday, May 29, 2006

journal entry #80
another shard of the story, i have no clue where i am going with this story yet, so i will connect all of hte loos ends of the story when i get an idea
the spaceship is silently sitting on the horizon,
waiting for the wave to come,
the duty of defending earth is not for some,
gross things that have no eyes,
how they kill is a surprise,
noone who has seen one can tell the tale,
all of the survivors always pale,
like they are stuck in a constant state of shock,
white as a new sock,
nobody knows why, nobody will,
they are constantly delusional every second of everyday,
but in the midst of all the chaos in their minds,
all the words that they say

posted by magikterdo | 1:33 PM | 0 comments
Monday, June 26, 2006
guest writer

PArt one:
Malakin stared at his poor baby boy lying on the floor with a bullet hole through his neck. Malakin was crying hysterically trying to stop the bleeding and get his other children away. He heard the screach of the tires as the shooter sped away. Running outside to try and see who it was Malakin himself was shot by the escapee. clinging to his shoulder wound malakin returned to his son. He was dazed and confused and didnt even think to call authorities. Luckily his daughters did. they rushed Malakin to the hospital where he was treated. His son was dead, he died before they even got him to the hospital.
Malakin never really healed from the loss of his son. he was so proud that he finally had a son he always wanted a son but got four daughters first. Now his son destroyed by the raiders. HE remebered the good life when the world wasnt corrupted and the peaceful government was not overthrown. But that was then and this is now and there is nothing one person can do about it.
I mean how could this one man stop the horde of the last jahovvah. They had strarted as an underground gang but quickly bought out greedy government officials and now basically control everything. Malakin had to do something…

posted by magikterdo | 8:27 PM | 0 comments
Thursday, June 22, 2006
GURL:this one is new, kip

baby you drive me crazy,
make my mind and my thoughts so hazy,
when i think of you i am where i wanna be,
Annabel, will you please marry me?,
we can share all the pain,
we can share all the blame,
if you take my hand today,
i will take you away,
take you away,
for ever i will love you everyday,
everyday,
you dont understand how much i love you babe,
my heart and my soul i will give to you babe,
if you will just take my hand in marriage,
i will give you the biggest carriage,
i know it is kind of sudden but i have never felt something so goddamn true,
all i want is to be with you,
for ever and ever, my love will be true,
so what do you say,
she looks down at him with her big blue beautiful eyes and pauses,
he says, i want an answer today,
she looks into his eyes to see if it is really true,
then her lips part and she says i do.

posted by magikterdo | 10:17 AM | 0 comments
Saturday, June 10, 2006

,my name is antoro,
i am a proffesional assassin,
i hear the people are massin,
protesting what you want to do,
thats why you called,
what i do is through and through,
what do you want me to accomplish,
do i have an accomplace,
the man in the business suit leans over and whispers in his ear,
tell me the things i want to hear,
antoro says i will do anything that you wish,
my dearest loyalty if you will wish,
he says, see all of those protestors out there,
their burden i will not bear,
i want him dead, i want Jason dead,
just shoot him in the goddamn motherfucking head,
i want it to be an accident, if you know what i mean,
if you do it right ill give you the rest of the green,
you have already recieved half,
otherwise you wouldnt be here,
antoro says when should i be there,
he says, tomorrow five o clock,antoro says done,
tommorrow comes,
the sun sweetly rises,
but Jason has many disguises,
he knows what is going to happen,
he is ready to die,
too bad he is so goddamn young,
he knows bullets are going to fly,
he is not fuckin dumb,
sixteen, and the head of the rebellion,
christian must think he is a hellion,
he makes himself breakfast as he leaves to his death,
he is going to use every breath,
to adress what is wrong with this nation,
his frustration with the way things are going,
him, deep, deep inside knowing,
that he could change the world in his image,
he rides off into the sunrise,
to meet his army with no guns,
no grenades, no nothing,
they are going to do it, they really are,
they have made it so goddamn far,
they arent giving up, they ar egoing to make it,
they reach where they wanna be,
in front of the huge tower in the middle of the city,
the weather is shitty, rain is puoring down,
10 million loud, ten million proud,
ready to die, the bullets fly,
rattatatatatat,
sound of a thousand gats,
its begun,
the revolution is here,
up in the top of the tower, Christian is full of fear,
he knows what he has done, it is judgement day,
he knows nothing could change what he did, nothing he could say,
he is stuck in this fortress of steel and glass,
as the approaching mass,
comes closer to his fortress, now his prison,
chanting and screaming, fire in their eyes,
evey single man there was on a mission,
tyhey were sick of all the fucking lies,
and there he was, the leader of the group,
first to ride into the battle,
but not first to die,
bodies over bodies, lead filled bodies everywhere,
the soldiers are trying to hold them back,
but this mob just keeps coming back,
the mob crashes over the soldiers like a human wave,
they realized then there was nothing they could do to save ,
what was left of the army,
they all died for nothing,
but i wont tell you the fate,
Of Christian or JAson on that day,
because of course there is nothing left to say,

hey you know what, wanna help me finish this story?
jsut post a comment on how this should end, adn maybe ill put into it.

posted by magikterdo | 7:56 AM | 1 comments
my name is mekhai

“im on vacation” i said to myself,
as i put tomato sauce back on the shelf,
nothing is going to happen to me like on that ship,
where i have seen tendons and flesh rip,
i can never take back what was seen or what was done,
and now it is time to have some fun,
forget betrayaland the fucked up shit,
try to run, try to run, try to run, try to run,
grab your gun, your gun,
try to fight them off goddamit,
theres no choice you have to handle it,
man your battlestations,
enemies in filing in striations,
they keep on fucking coming,
one of the motherfuckers leapt on me while i was running,
ganshing teeth, no skin,
completely unnatural, no longer my kin,
smooth muscle covered in a slimy membrane,
alll the commotion and killing its insane,
why , ohwhy, did i have to be on this ship,
why this one, why this,
why did he have to make a msitake,
sometime i wish i could wake,
and never remember what happened,
that i never got wrapped in,
things that i shouldnt have,
things i shouldnt have,
soem days i wanna die,
my name is Mekhai.

posted by magikterdo | 7:37 AM | 0 comments
Christians army

the men, silas and his wife Keylinda ride off to find their bounty,
but they are not just doing it for the bounty,
the bounty will only get them from rock bottom,
the man they were after got him,
he tricked him into doing something that he didnt want to do,
the lights suddenly grew dim,
all the manipulation, the bullshit, he was through,
he knew they were here, after him again,
and now he must kill him, he knew this now,
he didnt know when, he didnt know how,
these seeds of evil, this man sowed,
he cannot see them even though he knows they are there,
the minions that need to clean up the job,
he knows what to do when it comes to the game of fear,
when it comes to fighting in the open hes a slob,
his name an oxymoron, the man is also the same,
christian, the savior, the leader, is his name,
his poision, his killer is fame,
he used to be the best man that could be,
he used to be what every parent wanted to see,
what every man secretly wanted to be,
but now he has become more than he could handle,
him and his co-manager Randall,
all the fame and all the moneyt went to his head,
now every single man wanted him dead,
he is oppressing his nation,
he is oppresssing his nation,
but back to the story at hand,
silas thought This is just grand,
he feels the invisible figures silently floating through the room,
he starts to feel his impending doom,
he woud give up if not for his wife,
keylinda silently grips her knife,
she forcefully throws the knife into the air,
the common untrained would think nothing was there,
but she knew better,
shes been through this before,suddenly the knife sticks into thin air,
a loud thud on the floor, invisible steps run to the door,
but he knew they were going to be there,
he had already set a trap,
they were in deep crap,
he flips a switch and depresses the button,chunks of humand flesh fly all over the place,
they knew that this was nothing,just a few scouts, in front of the race,
they had to leave now,
before they found out,
that they had been here.

posted by magikterdo | 7:28 AM | 0 comments
just a note

i am transferring all of my previous poems from before into this blog, so dont write them up as journal entries until i say so, okay?

posted by magikterdo | 7:25 AM | 0 comments
first entry niggas!

this blog is going to hasve a c0llection of short stories on it, and trust me they are probably going to be crazy. maybe insane. see, i started writing stories a little while ago, and i think htey deservfe their own blog, plus they were in my personal journal, so you know, i dont want people reading my personal she-hite. so that is what this blog is about. why thecolorofvelvetinepudding? why not, that is going to be the title of my story, and yes it is going to be one word. if these ever get professionally published, i am going to hav eit in one word on the top. if i get famous enough, then there will be a thecolorofvelvetinepudding day ion the calendar. that would rock

posted by magikterdo | 7:18 AM | 0 comments